So tomorrow night is the Grammy Awards. Obviously. I will now give you two guesses as who is going to have your Queer foaming at the mouth and convulsing on the floor. Taylor Swift? You guessed it! No really, fuck that homely bitch. I'm going to need her to stay out of Our Lady's way if she knows what's good for her. Actually, it may be in everyone's best interest to reserve at least an empty chair's radius from Her Excellence's assigned seating. Recall what all she wore for the busted VMA's? Now for a music awards event with some dignity, there will be no end to her fabulosity. I am scotch-guarding every surface possible in anticipation of what promises to be a night thrilling frills and liquor spills. Before we settle down to run though nominations and Queer predictions, can we just mention the performances of the show? Sources not only tell tales that Our Lady will be jetting in straight from wrapping up her stately-wise Monster Ball tour this past Wednesday to plink her keys for the opening, but may be accompanied by none other than Our Mother - Elton John. Can you imagine? Remember when she met the Queen of England?



Now an opportunity arises for her to perform with the REAL Queen?? The Morman compound in Utah will utterly collapse. Collapse I say! But who is going to out-do each others' fashions? Personally, I foresee Queen E. rummaging through Our Lady's costume trunk for a quick hammy-down.


So now that I have regained my composure, let's sort through our list of fine nominees. I could go through the full sha-bang, but frankly I don't give a damn. We will hit what I consider to be the highlights. My winner predictions (not personal desires) shall be texted in magenta.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance:
Hometown Glory - Adele
Halo - Beyonce
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
Sober - Pink
You Belong with Me - Taylor Swift

Best Dance Recording:
Boom Boom Pow - B.E.P.
When Love Takes Over - David Guetta/Kelly Rowland
Poker Face - Lady Gaga
Celebration - Madonna
Womanizer - Britney Spears

Best Electronic/Dance Album
Divided by Night - The Crystal Method (Who the fuck is this?)
One Love - David Guetta
The Fame - Lady Gaga
Party Rock - LMFAO
Yes - Pet Shop Boys

Best New Artist
Zac Brown Band
Keri Hilson
MGMT
Silversun Pickups
The Ting Tings

Song of the Year





Album of the Year

Now I realize my predictions for the final two -- and most important -- categories seem a tad biased. Of course they are. But I have some method to my madness here. For song of the year, it is a category with emphasis on the songwriter. Yes, Beyonce had a kick-ass video for Single Ladies but the song itself is pretty base. Taylor Swift, who keeps bouncing her damned golden locks back into my life, is cute and sangs purdy and all that jazz, but if I want to read a 15-year-old girl's journal, I will just go pull a page out of one of my own diaries. Lady Gaga is a songwriter. She writes the songs for all these other famous  "music artists" out there and Poker Face is a testament to her excellent ability to craft a song with unforgettable beats and clever lyrics.

Album of the Year is easy to me. Our Lady had FOUR #1 songs off this album. That's all there is to it. I don't know how anyone could argue its worthiness. So tomorrow night, we will all tune into CBS at 7pm sharp! Don't hold my predictions to me, unless I am right of course. 

Over and Out,
CampusQueer