I try not to, but occasionally I find myself stumbling into questions about death, my death, and what will be. I think about where I used to be and how those are days to which I can never return. My father used to tell me about driving himself into mad frenzies thinking about the same things and the best advice anyone could ever give him was that no one has those answers, so there is no reason to waste life pondering those questions. Right?

I usually don't swim into these waters on here like this but lately it just seems like everywhere I turn I'm seeing ways that I could have potentially died. I feel like I'm perpetually on Final Destination 703. I constantly dream about dieing. Always in water, not by drowning. Always with something "chasing" me. So I always feel in a state of flux. I'm either questioning my death. Or continually realizing that life only moves forward to death and you never get a chance to loop back around. No passing "Go" and no $200. It may be a big circle of life, but you're only one rotation on it. Well shit.

On my way home tonight I recalled my years on the track team. Yes you bitch, I did a sport. No one said I was any good, but I was persistant. Anygay, for any length running event, you succeeded if you kept looking to the horizon. Looking back at anyone behind you only slowed you down considerably. So I have to keep my sights only looking forward in life. Looking forward to possibilities and experiences. Maybe only if I submit to this will these dreams and uneasy thoughts subside. Hell, if not then maybe I should lay off the midnight pork skins and ambien martinis.

Over and Out,
CampusQueer