You know it's true. Today is that day that people in puppy love cherish as their perfect day of copious amounts of anti-depressant induced romance. Others unsatisfied with their love life take it as a chance to broadcast their displeasure in what society has deemed a "lovers day." Well just do what the rest of us do and order a hooker and some pizza and cry in the fetal position while the hooker helps him or herself to a few trinkets from your treasure box and call it a day.

Now for the rest of ya's who have that special someone that you just can't hump enough, I have a message for you that you can take to the bank. Bottom gets what bottom wants. Valentine's Day is the day to give special regards to whoever goes the extra mile to be your submissive pillow princess. It's a tough job but you don't get power with just two plugs. There's got to be a socket. Now that equation can be reworked for one plug, one socket; two plugs, one socket; a few sockets and a big ole plug; whatever. And I'm still not exactly sure what it is you lesbians do, but discuss amongst yourselves how this will work for you. The point is to treat your bottom right today of all days. Take them to dinner. And not to Quick Grill you cheap bastards. Make them something special or get a store-bought card, but you better damn underline special phrases and/or draw little pictures in the margins to make it fuckin' personal. No chocolate or candy. I mean you don't want your lady getting too rough around the edges. Then take them home where you have some champagne or special cocktails waiting and remind them how much they mean to you.  Then slam 'em. Hell, you paid for that shit.


Thus concludes CampusQueer's heartfelt message to all the lovers from my bottom to yours. And if you don't have that special someone, it doesn't mean you can't take this day to go out of your way to make someone else feel special. A Valentine doesn't have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. It can be anyone who brings light into your life the other 364 days of the year.


Over and Out,
CampusQueer