Football is a game for a man's man. It's all rough, gruff, dirt, sweat, and blood. There's no room for any sissy boys on gameday because this is day for men! So they say. I can walk across campus on any given day with a little pride in my stride, but on gameday the Quad becomes a deathtrap of belligerent boys, second-hand soccer moms, and general lackluster breeders with no other real value than unquestionable devotion to a collegiate sports team. They all love football and hate fags. And find such intriguing ways of stringing together a myriad of two-syllable words (and not much else) in order to make sure everyone around knows it. It's so cute to watch the straight boys act like they matter.

Remember, you're here to breed. We will do the rest.

Now to the main point of this little posting. . . yes, football makes you more gay. You know I love a list, so let's get right to it shall we?

1. Outfit Coordination. Any other day, you feel just slap-happy to throw on whatever the hell is within reach without much other consideration. Gameday rolls around and suddenly everyone is looking for great color combinations, interesting patterns, and much more expensive garments. You start the day with a fashion statement.

2. Themed Brunch. You arrive at your tented event with special hors d'ourves themed around your special day and have cocktails (in your coordinated outfit.)

3. Male Proximity. Usually you require a 5-foot radius with all other males. I have personally seen a table of boys who sat with a chair in between them and staggered. Confused? Reference Example Uno below. On gameday, it is very much tradition to let your bodies get close and personal, hopping around with sweaty bodies brushing so roughly, yet sensually. Kinda like the Quest.