So tomorrow night is the Grammy Awards. Obviously. I will now give you two guesses as who is going to have your Queer foaming at the mouth and convulsing on the floor. Taylor Swift? You guessed it! No really, fuck that homely bitch. I'm going to need her to stay out of Our Lady's way if she knows what's good for her. Actually, it may be in everyone's best interest to reserve at least an empty chair's radius from Her Excellence's assigned seating. Recall what all she wore for the busted VMA's? Now for a music awards event with some dignity, there will be no end to her fabulosity. I am scotch-guarding every surface possible in anticipation of what promises to be a night thrilling frills and liquor spills. Before we settle down to run though nominations and Queer predictions, can we just mention the performances of the show? Sources not only tell tales that Our Lady will be jetting in straight from wrapping up her stately-wise Monster Ball tour this past Wednesday to plink her keys for the opening, but may be accompanied by none other than Our Mother - Elton John. Can you imagine? Remember when she met the Queen of England?

Now an opportunity arises for her to perform with the REAL Queen?? The Morman compound in Utah will utterly collapse. Collapse I say! But who is going to out-do each others' fashions? Personally, I foresee Queen E. rummaging through Our Lady's costume trunk for a quick hammy-down.

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled crap on this blog for a little service announcement. If you have ever scrolled across those little tabs you see there across the top of the page, you may have noticed a "Your Resources" section. These are links to entities in Tuscaloosa as well as representing the state as a whole that I have deemed driving leaders of values important to our community, one of them being WAAO, or the West Alabama AIDS Outreach. WAAO currently provides services to Tuscaloosa, Lamar, Fayette, Bibb, Pickens, Greene, Hale, Walker, Perry and Sumter Counties through prevention education, testing services, as well as living assistance to those who have already tested positive. Programs like this are a vital tool in the fight against this disease which has already ravaged its way through our community and others'. I try to keep up with my readership and I know the majority includes my peers and then there are older readers as well. I fear that my generation does not fully grasp the reality of this disease because of the advances in medicine that are just a routine part of our lives. Older readers know and can attest to what they saw happen when this disease became more of an epidemic around them. Just because medicines have been developed that can keep positive men and women healthier does not change the fact that it only takes one time for this disease to affect the rest of your life. So for the first part of this PSA: Wear a condom.

So recently I have had to come to terms with another of my prevalent prejudices to bring my repetoire of biased hate full circle. I speak, of course, of my distaste of the Straighties. Not the females, mind you, just the males. I want it to be clear that it is not an apprehension rooted in fear per say, but moreso a tender awkwardness mixed with subtle loathing. I find myself daily in situations in which I must come in contact with these confounding creatures. I don't know how to interact with them. Responding to the simplest of salutations becomes my greatest test of the day. "Hey man. Wassup?" they say through that ersatz smile carelessly brushing away unkempt hair. Oh it seems simple enough, but they know what they are doing to me. Oh they know! They have just cornered me in a situation in which they want me to assimilate, deepen my voice, and forget I ever had impecable posture. "Wassup?" I reply. I have answered an empty question with an empty question. WTF?

Now, I am quite well aware that this is completely overanalyzed and I do assume the breeder's greeting was nothing short of courtesy to fellow man, but I can't shake the overwhelming tension I feel when addressed by a man who doesn't sleep with other men. Do others feel this way? Surely. I imagine any straight guy on campus would be shocked to learn that I want to be as far away from him as I assume he wants to be of me, unless he's hot; however, we all know there are approximately .02 hot guys per every man on this campus. And there is on average 1 gay guy per every 10 males in a public sample. And most hot guys are also gay guys, so there is a whole bunch of math there that basically sums up to the following: Almost 100% of straight guys need never cross paths with me. But much like Christians try to hold fast to "Hate the sin, not the sinner" bullshit, I must affirm myself to fear the breeder and not the breed. I should not assume that every given straight guy is uncomfortable around me for being gay and I should likewise not feel the same towards them. This does not alter the foul taste that arises on my pallete for those of straight descent, but I can learn to be more tolerable and more open to their culture. I probably can't learn a damn thing from them, but I'm quite sure they can learn a thing or three from me. And that cannot happen unless I open the lines of communication and tell them what really is "wassup."

Over and Out,
CampusQueer

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, more commonly known as GLAAD, has made their nominations for their 21st Annual GLAAD media awards. Some obvious crowd favorites make the list including: GLEE, Modern Family, RuPauls Drag Race, Adam Lambert, and hmmmm....who else? No I guess that's it. Oh wait, maybe, perhaps - Our Lady??? .Photo courtesy of OUT.com. Well really it's my assumed courtesy, but whatevs.

We of course recall her speaking on behalf of us on Capital Hill for the National Equality March and the infamous "This is for God and the Gays!" Now she is also standing up for us in Atlantic City at the House of Blues for the Hands Up For Marriage Equality Benefit tomorrow night. There is no one I can think of in the past year who represents the fight against defamation more fabulously than Our Lady. Not only dedicated to her queers, but to her monsters everywhere, she was hospitalized last night, cancelling her show with tears. And then, she picks herself up for a trifecta of perfection for the Oprah show this morning performing a medley of Monster, Bad Romance, and Speechless. You can see the exhaustion in her face and she simply can not enjoy her performance. It's disheartening, yet also inspiring at the same time.GLADD Media Awards ceremonies will begin March 13, 2010. I am sure we will all witness GLAAD recognize her Pop Heart for her contributions to our community.

Bringing it back around, if you noticed RuPaul's Drag Race made the list of nominees and smiled a toothy grin, surely you are also aware the second season is set to premiere on LOGO Feb. 1 at eight o'clock sharp. Not even on drag time! I know right. I was very fond of last season and grew a new appreciation for what it takes to be a performer. Can't wait to see what the new divas bring to the glitter-strew table.







Edit 1.16.09 : Lady Gaga's benefit in Atlantic City was rescheduled for a later date in light of her collapse the night before. I'm thinking a cozy night in will do her well.


Over and Out,
CampusQueer

Now I don't know about the rest of ya's, but thanks to my stellar scheduling abilities and blessings, this Queer's first week of classes for the semester has come to a clippity-clappity close. Yeah...I don't have Monday OR Friday and classes once again. I know you're jealous. And I think I like that. Here's my week at a glance just to give a little run-down of this fabulous semester I have constructed.

The locations have been blacked for my propagating multitude of stalkers. But I'm sure if you are just damned determined enough you can find me and continue your creeping. My only rule is look, don't touch - unless you're hot. Then you may touch. Where were we? Oh yes, end of first week. So something you may not know about me, I like to go to the circus, I like to play whack-a-mole orrrr pound-the-beaver and I am on the UA Forensics Council. Should you not be familiar, that is basically speech and debate team and what-have-you. I am the fresh meat this semester and have been hard at work to put up my first piece ( giggles encouraged.) I am doing a Dramatic Interpretation of "Fruit Cocktail" by Tim Miller. It's a coming out and first love tale from one of the greatest performance artists of our time - one of the NEA 4 for anyone whose suffered and through and possibly retained any TH 114.  I actually just got back from meeting with one of my coaches to work through the details so that I may give that queer's work some damn justice. Perhaps I'll video it for you? Otherwise I honestly don't believe you get the idea nor care. I sure as hell wouldn't.

And let me just tell you, I have joined the Resolutioners at the Rec for a little one-stop bodyshop.  Young Heath, my roommate/caretaker, says he has joined the initiative, but he's only been twice. No scratch-and-sniff sticker for his fatass. We typically get up at 6 and go for Yoga with Barb on Tues/Thurs. Let me just tell you Barb is a fabulous little hippie lady. And MWF are running and machine days. It's all really invigorating and starts my day out right. Initially, we had signed up for a class the mornings of MWF. It was simply called "Water with Joanna." We assumed fun swim time and splashing and wet bodies. No. "Water with Joanna" entails scantily-clad obese white woman well past their prime canoodling on noodles, wiggling, and jiggling. I will be flacid for months to come. So Heath went home to cry and I hopped on a treadmill to make the pain go away. Can't wait to see the results.

I am now about to jet off for a light din-din before Rock the Runway rehearsals with the fabulous Misster Mackey. I hope you ALL will be in attendance next Thursday evening, January 21 8PM in the Ferg Ballroom. More details and inside scoops to come next week. Pencil it in on your calendars, but for now, this Queer is hawngry.

Over and Out,
CampusQueer

On the note of being a champion. Your CampusQueer was hosted by the always hospitable Nathan and Miss Callie to watch our boys capture #13 this past Thursday. Misster Mackey and I even arrived with roses in hand for the Rose Bowl. Football - just another reason to accessorize. It was a revelrous night indeed as we brought down the Longhorns 37-21. Another flag to raise. Another statue for the Walk of Champions.

And if you didn't attend First Friday at the L&N Station this past Friday, you missed a HELL of a Command Performance for the King and Queen Druid. Not only did you miss the ultra fabulous return of Sheridan Grant, but also the return of Scandalous with Misster Mackey and your CampusQueer backup dancing for Tik Tok and Bad Romance. Photos and videos will be surfacing in the coming days.  

Good luck this week mah ladies. It's just school. It's what we're hear for. It's not like it's the real world or anything. Jeez.

Over and Out,
CampusQueer

With So Happy I Could Die blaring, my entire wardrobe in tow, and a toothy grin to boot, your Queer rolled back onto campus this week with reveling glee! With the inception of this blog beginning two days before I left for the T for holiday break, it is exciting to start using this blog for the platform it was intended - the life of a good 'ole faggot at the University of Alabama.

With that spirit in mind, ROLLLL TIDE ROLLLLLL! Tomorrow, the Tide and the Longhorns face off for a pas de deux of sweat and blood to claim the national championship. Tommi's and Judy's, whether or not we bring home number 13, we will paint Pasadena crimson. Nathan C. and Miss Callie will be hosting the day's festivities tomorrow at University Village. Your queer will be there alongside the rest of the Royal Flush Gang with drinks raised high! Even the queers know how to throw down for gameday. I will be consuming mass quantities of sausage balls and dear Cher I am praying for some pigs-in-a-blanket.

Okay, I really tried to put my best foot forward and write a new blog, but Heath has Tosh.0 on. And it's a combination of hilarity and really cute guy so I'm far too distracted to write for now. Exciting things to come!

Over and Out,
CampusQueer.

Good evening queerlings. I have in my hands this evening an intriguing piece of revelation painstakingly researched and written by a dear friend who I have never had the pleasure to meet in person - Mary Elizabeth Hall. A student at Birmingham Southern College, Mary wrote this little piece of brilliance this previous semester and gave me consent to share with you all. Beware. There's a lot of words. And not one damn picture. I realize most of my audience is 43.7% illiterate with a rising tendency of ASS (Attention to Shiny Shit) . I would also like to reiterate that CampusQueer does NOT make house calls to read blogs aloud in the nude. That was one time and the Craigslist ad said he was Anderson Cooper. Not the proudest moment for you Queer. Anygay, CampusQueer proudly presents The Flamers of Facebook: A Checklist for the Modern Woman to Avoid a Potentially Awkward Situation by Mary Elizabeth Hall.

Most teenage girls, and perhaps older women, have been in the situation where they look at a guy and think “Hey! He’s pretty cute.” However, the said cutie’s sexual preference is a toss up. A virtual investigation must commence. Often times, gay men do not have “I LIKE BOYS!” in that random box under their profile picture, so deep Facebook investigating, not stalking, must be intiated. I took it upon myself to discover the various attributes homosexual men tend to have on their Facebook profiles to warn my fellow females so they can stop setting themselves up for failure. I took fifteen openly gay men from all walks of life, varying from ages eighteen to twenty-seven, and evaluated their Facebook profiles. It is rather obvious that I’m up to my necks in homos and am deeply fascinated by their “code” so they can tell each other apart from the rest via Internet. Now I can share these well guarded secrets with women of the world so they can avoid the awkwardness of telling all their girlfriends that the “cute boy from GAP” is not interested on a whole different level.
The most obvious thing to do would be to check the boy in question’s “Interested in” section where sexual orientation is expressed. More often than not, a gay man will not have anything listed under this section, even if he is openly homosexual. This is often because a certain family member does not know of their sexuality. For example, a dear friend’s of mine (Gay #1) grandparents have no idea of his orientation and it would break their heart if they did, so it is preferable that there is no way they could find out. Also, since their is sadly still discrimination in the world, it would open the door for ridicule. Only four out of the fifteen actually have that they are interested in men; the other eleven are unlisted. Also, one of the four is a professional drag queen, so since it’s a part of his occupation he can not help but be out in every aspect.

Wall posts, comments left on someone’s Facebook by another person, are another resource to be examined. I found that most of the posts on the fifteen’s Walls were from people of the female persuasion or from another homosexual man. For instance, all of Gay #1‘s recent Wall posts are from me, being his best girl friend or his “Fag Hag,” various other women, and Gay #11, his roommate. The same holds true from Gay 2-15.

Another sure fire way to pick out homosexuality is to investigate their “Favorite Music” section, where Facebook users can lists their favorite artists. Odds are if they are gay they are obsessed with Britney Spears, Lady GaGa, musicals, or all three. Generally speaking, straight boys usually do not have any of these under their favorites on iTunes. I took it upon myself to look at all the musical interest of my fifteen openly gay Facebook friends and discovered that only four of them did not have Lady GaGa, Britney Spears, or musicals listed under their “Favorite Music.” However, these two leading ladies can be found all over their profiles. For instance, on Gay #1’s Wall there is a post from a girl quoting Lady GaGa’s Christmas song, “Christmas Tree” featuring Space Cowboy. He also has another lyric from the same song in the random box under his profile picture. There is another post from a different girl of a YouTube video called “Lady Gaga Medley” where to men perform an acoustic version of her single “Bad Romance.” Britney also makes an appearance in a photo album of his Facebook where he and Gay #14 embarked on a road trip to see her perform in Shreveport, Louisiana.

I thought since I was already on their “Info,” I might as well take a look at all of their favorites. Upon my research, I found that most of my fifteen gays have various chick flicks (i.e. The Holiday, Titanic, Sex and the City: The Movie, etc.), however, it was not the majority by much. The number I found was not near the amount I expected. Six of fifteen did not have stereotypical chick flicks under their “Favorite Movies,” granted some of them do not have that type of information listed on their profile. Also, only two out of fifteen had the Twilight series under their “Favorite Movies” and “Favorite Books.” I know. I was shocked, too.

From my experience with gay men, I have reached the conclusion that most of them are leaning towards the views of the Democratic party and if they were not Democratic, they definitely were not Republican. Through my research, I discovered that out of my fifteen gays, absolutely, positively none of them has any sort of affiliation with the Republican party or conservatism. According to Simon Shepherd and Mick Wallis in Coming on strong: gay politics and culture, gays are usually associated with the liberal side of the spectrum due to Republicans viewing homosexual complaints as “baseless and over to the top” (Shepherd 3).
The trickiest of all the things to look for is the relationship status. Many times, a gay man will be listed as “Married” or “In a Relationship” to his best girl friend or “Fag Hag.” For instance, Gay #3 is “In a Relationship,” Gay #9 is “In an Open Relationship” with a lesbian (oh, the irony), and I have even been “Married” to Gay #1. Even some Wall posts can seem like they are in a relationship like Gay #4‘s “girlfriend” posting “hey lover I miss you!” and her comment when they made their “relationship” Facebook official, “i love you dear. I’m so so glad we’ve made our relationship facebook official.” and his reply of “I love you as well dearie.” These are obviously in jest, but someone who does not know that Gay #4 is in fact gay could get very confused. However, that is part of the logic behind it. Gay men are like women; they like drama, chocolate, chick flicks, and to keep everyone guessing. Also, most of the time if they are listed in an actual relationship, it will not say who with. For example, I know for a fact that Gay #2 and Gay #4 are in a relationship together; however, both of their Facebooks list that they are in a relationship just not with one another.

Another way to establish the orientation of a questionable male specimen is to check mutual friends. More often than not, if any friends are shared, those shared friends will be gay. This is actually a legitimate fact. The Massachusetts Institute of Technology developed an extremely accurate method that directly correlates the sexual orientation of a person’s Facebook friends to their own (Jernigan 1). I found this true in my own research. All of the fifteen were friends with at least one of the other fourteen that were studied.

Now that I have all this information, I feel compelled to put it to use. I have taken it upon myself to compare the profile of a GID (Gay in Denial) with the information I have previously discussed. The GID is a man who is either gay and will not admit it for various reasons such as religion, or a man who was once gay but then “changed his ways” and magically became straight. The particular GID that I will be examining was once out of the closet, but then decided to go back in due to the influence of another GID.

Exhibit one: When I examined his Wall, I found only one post by a male and I had to click on the “Older Posts” link to get to it. This is including comments made on his statuses and other activities, but excluding Social Interview and applications like it.
Exhibit two: Lady GaGa and “dance techno” are under his “Favorite Music” section. I would like for someone to give me the name of one heterosexual teenage boy who would use the words “dance” and “techno” consecutively.

Exhibit three: Tristan and Isolde, a classic love story/chick flick, is listed under his “Favorite Movies” section. Also, although I did not discuss television shows, The O.C. is listed under his “Favorite T.V. Shows” followed by “why in the world did it get canceled?” I will not insult the reader’s intelligence by further elaborating.
Exhibit 4: Under his “Political views,” he states “i disagree with political parties.” That is such a liberal thing to say.
Exhibit 5: Ten percent of the friends we have in common are openly homosexual. Sixteen percent of our mutual friends fellow are GIDs. He is also Facebook friends with my ex-boyfriend so that’s another strike against him.

This particular GID meets five of the eight attributes homosexual men generally have on their Facebook profiles. Through my research, I have found repeating patterns in the Facebook profiles of gay men that mostly hold true such as a love of artists such as Lady GaGa, politically liberal, and mutual gay friends. I believe it is safe to say that if the boy in question meets at least half of these characteristics, that he is, in fact, gay. However, if trying to out a GID, only three need be proven since the “Interested in” section must be excluded from the evidence. If proven, the boy is to be considered null and void by the female population for dating value, but cherished and loved for shopping purposes.


Phew! Told you. It's a mouthful. And not the Mason Wyler kind either. Perhaps you caught my cameo as Gay #11. No? Well, it was a quick one. Personally, I'm gunning for an essay dedicated solely to the CampusQueer. Someone get to work on that. Kudos for making it through all that by the by. I hope you feel enlightened, entertained, or at least confident in your mastery of reading. Please, if you completed the reading of this essay, return to the Facebook page and answer my question, "What is the use of repeating all that stuff, if you don't explain it as you go on?" with the answer "It's by far the most confusing thing I ever heard!" This way we can all smile at you and award you with a dandy scratch-and-sniff sticker. (The copy paste button is an excellent function too!)

P.S. ~ That was a Mock Turtle quote for those of you who fall down rabbit holes. ;)

Over and Out,
CampusQueer

Oh my. Hello again queerlings. Were you worried about me? Of course you weren't. Bitches been drunk as hell since Christmas Day. I hope you got everything you wanted. I know I did. So much has happened in the past week for your CampusQueer! Ahh...so much. I learned a few things about myself once again while on my vodka-soaked exploits. Let's just hit the list right fast shall we?

1. Do not allow CampusQueer out and about without direct supervision of his mother, Sheridan Grant.
2. Do not allow CampusQueer out and about with Grey Goose mini's.
3. Always allow CampusQueer to have Sweet Tea and vanilla vodka. Blessings.
4. Atlanta doesn't care too much for rules. Especially rules concerning personal identity.
5. Mexicans don't care too much for listening. Order a rum and coke. They hear just "rum."
6. If a friend is wanting to throw a drink on someone for you, just let 'em. In other words, let me!
7. Do not allow CampusQueer to carry credit cards to bars. It ends in rounds of shots for all...wait...
8. Always allow CampusQueer to carry credit cards to bars.
9. CampusQueer needs his mobile surgically attached to his right hand. Pronto.

On that note, welcome to 2010! Oh what trouble can we start this time around? Well, let me just tell you somethin'. This month is going to be a smorgasbord of fabulosity, faggonemity, and hot jizz. I want you to get stiff in your pantaloons for the future of CampusQueer captured in video! It's on its way. And perhaps one day, this site will actually be complete rather than "under construction." Note for all: It is usually not a good idea to launch an idea on finals week right before you leave campus for a month.

I hope all you little queerlings by day who are monsters by night reveled in the presence of Our Lady earlier this week upon ATL. I was across the way giving you the evil brown-eye at the ultra-fierce Georgian Terrace hosted by Misster Mackey and Sheridan Grant doing the Bad Romance dance in my AussieBums during the wee hours. I have jars of her essence captured for sale as promised. Tree-fitty a pop.

Before we come to a close, I hope you all have set little goals for the coming year; a resolution if you will. I give us all til March to forget that shit. Hell, mid-February if we're lucky. Of course, we all want to lose weight and get to the gym. I'll see you there, wondering what the hell you're supposed to do once you actually make it inside. I assume it's enough of a workout to watch the boys, boys, boys in the mirror, get caught by a roid-feuled beau, and run away to escape a hatecrime. What a way to work up a sweat?!

Over and Out,
CampusQueer